Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by karma on Fri 06 Feb 2009, 5:53 pm

No apologies - you started it - LOL

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest... The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . ..
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . .. . WHAT THE HELL!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?


SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!! P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'

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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Thistle on Sun 08 Feb 2009, 5:57 pm








Entrants Required for KISSING
Competition




[size=12]Seven minutes, non-stop and not just
a baby kiss I mean a seven minutes French kiss. You know...tongue and
everything.. and win:

- £5,000.00 voucher from Thomas Cook Travel,


- £4,000.00 G&R furniture voucher,

- £3,00.00 voucher from
Leather Zone,

- £2,500.00 voucher from Ikea,

- £2,000.00 from
Diesel and another

- £1,500.00 from Next,

and last but not least


- £10,000.00 in cash money.

FOR THE LADIES…..




.


FOR THE GUYS
……





Come on, don't be
shy!!!!!! I bet you could use the money for a
holiday……….






































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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Thistle on Mon 09 Feb 2009, 7:25 am



An Irish daughter had
not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return her Father cussed
her.



"Where have ye been
all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call?
Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother
thru?"

[b]

The
girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff.... Dad.... I became a prostitute..
."


"Ye
what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this
[/b]Catholic
family."

[b]

"OK,
Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this
luxurious fur
coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion
plus a £5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex
and for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's
parked outside plus a membership to the
country

club........ ......... ....... (takes
a breath)..... ........ and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on
board my new yacht in the Riviera and...
..."

"
Now
what was it ye said ye had become?" says
Dad.


Girl,
crying again, "Sniff, sniff.... a prostitute Daddy! Sniff,
sniff."


"
[/b]Oh! My goodness! Ye
scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and
give yer old Dad a hug!


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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Digger on Mon 09 Feb 2009, 1:23 pm

"Word Perfect Technical support; may I help you?"



"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."



"What sort of trouble?"



"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."



"Went away?"



"They disappeared."


"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"



"Nothing."



"Nothing?"



"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."



"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"



"How do I tell?"



"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"



"What's a sea-prompt?"



"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"



"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."



"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"



"What's a monitor?"



"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"



"I don't know."



"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"



....."Yes, I think so."



"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."



....."Yes, it is."



"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"



"No."



"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."


....."Okay, here it is."



"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."



"I can't reach it."



"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"



"No."



"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"



"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."



"Dark?"



"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."



"Well, turn on the office light then."



"I can't."


"No? Why not?"



"Because there's a power outage."


"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked
now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer came in?"



"Well, yes. I keep them in the closet."


"Good! Go get them and unplug your system and pack it up just
like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought
it from."



"Really! Is it that bad?"



"Yes, I'm afraid it is."



"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"



"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."


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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Fast Robert on Mon 09 Feb 2009, 4:11 pm

A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.

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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by karma on Mon 09 Feb 2009, 5:14 pm

lol! :PMSL: lol!
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Thistle on Mon 09 Feb 2009, 6:23 pm

A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor thatâs full Oâ coos Sharn'

(Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s ** t.)
The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you'.
The Scotsman man shouts back 'Use both hands, you'll get more in.'
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Thistle on Mon 09 Feb 2009, 6:26 pm

Jock once attended a Temperance lecture given by Scotland's top medical man, a noted anti-drink campaigner. The speaker began by placing a live, wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. After a moment or two it died and sank to the bottom.
The speaker said quietly to the audience, "Now my friends, what does this tell us?"
Jock piped up, "If you drink whisky you'll not be bothered by worms!"
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by karma on Mon 09 Feb 2009, 7:07 pm

lol!
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Digger on Mon 09 Feb 2009, 7:47 pm

A couple were in their
bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger
t**s'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some
toilet tissue and rub it between your t**s for 2 months'. 'How
will that help to make my t**s bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your ass' says the boyfriend.


"The best way to predict the future is to invent it".


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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by karma on Mon 09 Feb 2009, 9:50 pm

A chap from Yorkshire goes to the local jewellers........... He says, "Can tha mek me a gold statue o' ma dog?""Aye, ah reckon a can," sez the jeweller

"Does tha' want it eighteen carat?"..


"Nay," sez the bloke, "I want it chewin' a bone."

BOOM BOOM!!!!!
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Thistle on Tue 10 Feb 2009, 8:39 am

lol!
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by karma on Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:32 am

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'

The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'

'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'

'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o? clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the President of the B ank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige..

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied,
'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada !'
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Fast Robert on Tue 10 Feb 2009, 10:54 am

How do you kill a circus?



You go for the juggler!
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by karma on Tue 10 Feb 2009, 11:09 am

lol! lol! lol!
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by karma on Tue 10 Feb 2009, 4:41 pm

COP vs. LITTLE GIRL

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

Nice bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation and said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you've got there sir. Did Santa bring it to you?"

Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by ploughman on Wed 11 Feb 2009, 7:54 pm

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy.
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by karma on Thu 12 Feb 2009, 9:26 pm


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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Chok Dee Ja on Fri 13 Feb 2009, 6:54 am

Pavarotti runs into Lady Di one day up in heaven.




"How come you’ve got a halo and I don’t. That’s incredible after the philandering

life you lived" he states ignominiously.




"F*ck off you fat c*nt" Lady Di replies "it’s a steering wheel"

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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Fast Robert on Fri 13 Feb 2009, 8:38 am

With what cheese would you hide a horse?





Marscapone
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by karma on Fri 13 Feb 2009, 10:01 am

........now you can give the Christmas Cracker jokes back to the kids before they miss them :PMSL:
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by karma on Fri 13 Feb 2009, 12:33 pm

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.

Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone. 'Oh, sister,' said the young nun dreamily, 'I've been saved.'

'Saved? And how did that come about?' asked the old nun.

'Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.'

'Did he now?' said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, 'And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.'

'Is that a fact?' said the old nun even more evenly. 'At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.'

'That wicked old Sod, said the old nun. 'He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years!
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Chok Dee Ja on Fri 13 Feb 2009, 12:34 pm

Muslim has died and has arrived in ........... (Heaven).

He is very excited as, all his life, he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed. Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.

'Are you Mohammed?' he asks
'No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up' as he points him to a ladder that rises into the clouds.

Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbed the ladder in great strides he meets another bearded man.

Full of hope, he asks again,

'Are you Mohammed?'
'No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher up still'

The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher. Once again, he meets a man with a beard, and repeats his question:

'Are you Mohammed?'
'No, I am Jesus. Mohammed is higher still'

Exhausted but with heart full of joy 'Mohammed higher than Jesus!!!', he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he meets a man with a beard.

'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps, as he is by now totally out of breath from all his climbing.
'No, my son. I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a Coffee?
'Oh, yes please, my Lord'

God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out:

'Mohammed, two coffees...'



author BF :)

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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Fast Robert on Fri 13 Feb 2009, 1:43 pm

"My wife has just com back from a boating holiday in Poole."
"In Dorset?"
"Yes. She'd recommend it to anyone."
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Chok Dee Ja on Fri 13 Feb 2009, 2:34 pm

Fat bird in a crowded bar says, " the first guy to guess my weight can shag me"
Bloke shouts out "about 30 stones you fat ugly c*nt"
She says, " thats close enough you lucky b*stard !"

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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by ploughman on Fri 13 Feb 2009, 4:17 pm

A young man walking along the Pier notices an old man with his shoes off, trouser legs rolled up, legs dangling in the sea and fishing with an imaginary rod.
Puzzled the young man asks, " What are you doing?"
The old man replies, " Fishing for tw*ts ".
"Sounds good. Can I join you?", replied the young man.
"Of course you can, pull up a pew son".
The young man sits down and casts an imaginary rod out, and then says, "So how many tw*ts have you caught today?"
The old man replies, " You're the third this morning
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by Spirit on Sat 14 Feb 2009, 12:48 pm

Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally cut off all 10 of his fingers.

He went to the emergency room in Cork 's hospital.
The doctor looked at Paddy and said, "Lets be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do".

Paddy said, "Oi haven't got da fingers."

"Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers? Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2008!
We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn't ya bring da fingers?!?"

And Paddy said, "How da fock was I 'spose to pick them up???"


"The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge."
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by kiwis kitten on Tue 17 Feb 2009, 1:39 pm

Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner.
Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her
mother what she wanted. 'Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.'
Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at
school and at home. Carol's mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get
a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.
Carol's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior
over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a
bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up th e steps to her room and sat
down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God:
I hav e been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so
she tore up the letter and started over.
LETTER 2:
Dear God:
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I
would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God:
I know I haven't been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good
girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday. Thank you,
Carol
By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted
to go to church. Carol's mother thought her plan had worked because Carol
looked very sad.
'Just be home in time for dinner,' her mother said.
Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked
around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary,
and placed it inside her coat and took it back to her
house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter
to God.

LETTER 4:
I GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.

Signed,


Carol




~Desire Makes Me Weak~
Sexy Isn't what u wear.... Its How U take it off
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Re: Jokes , Jokes , Jokes.

Post by karma on Wed 18 Feb 2009, 2:56 pm

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The 3 Minute Management Course

Post by Dell on Wed 18 Feb 2009, 4:50 pm

Light relief, but very true!





The 3 Minute Management Course


Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel
and runs downstairs. when she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800
to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel
and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800
and leaves.


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets
to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next
door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything
about the £800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure


Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun
said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But,
changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again .. The nun once again
said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised "Sorry sister but
the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On
his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go
forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity


Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The
Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!"
says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.


"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.


"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want
those two back in the office after lunch."


Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say


Lesson 4


An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw
the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The
eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle
and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate
it.


Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up

Lesson 5


A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.


The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the
tree.


Moral of the story: Bull S*** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there


Lesson 6


A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow
came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the
pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing
for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate...
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends the 3-minute management course


"Lovely Jubbly - Cushty - Rodney, you plonker - This time next year we'll be millionaires!" Dell Trotter
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Dell

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Location : Guernsey
Humor : Yes please!
Registration date : 2008-12-31

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